Becoming Mum, Becoming Me: What Solo Motherhood and Matrescence Have Taught Me

I never expected to become a solo mum to two little girls.

Especially not while they’re both still so young.

The words single mum have never quite sat comfortably with me. It’s a strange term, isn’t it? It often feels wrapped up in stigma and judgement, perhaps because it’s the language we hear in government reports, legal documents or research papers.

Personally, I prefer the term solo mum or solo parenting.

To me, it feels warmer. It describes an experience rather than assigning a label. It feels less tied to the stereotypes that have unfairly followed the phrase single parent for decades.

So, let me introduce myself.

I’m Jessica.

Mum to two incredible little girls. Solo mum. Photographer. Content creator. Writer. And someone deeply passionate about motherhood in all its beautifully messy forms.

My eldest, Luna, is three, and my youngest turns one in just a few days (how has that happened already?). Eeek!

If there’s one thing I hope my writing does, it’s this: I hope it makes mothers feel seen.

Because motherhood can be wonderful but equally exhausting, all before breakfast.

And sometimes, simply knowing someone else understands makes all the difference.

Solo... But Never Truly Alone

Although I often describe myself as a solo parent, the truth is a little more nuanced.

The girls spend every other weekend with their dad, and I’m incredibly lucky to have the most wonderful village around me.

And that’s something I’ll always encourage every new mum to build.

Your village.

Because we were never meant to do this alone.

For generations, women raised children surrounded by sisters, neighbours, aunties and friends. There was always another pair of hands ready to cuddle the baby while Mum had a hot cup of tea. Key word being hot there.

Somehow, modern motherhood has become far more isolated.

We celebrate independence, yet quietly expect women to recover from birth, care for a newborn and somehow keep life running without asking for help.

Motherhood was never designed to be a solo sport.

Find your people, accept the help and asl for support. Remember that support doesn’t mean giving away your instincts.

You are still the expert on your baby. You can ask for your baby back.

You decide which advice feels right to you. Boundaries are just as important as your village.

Nothing Truly Prepares You for Becoming a Mum

When I was pregnant with Luna, I thought I was prepared.

I’d read the books about hypnobirthing, followed incredible mums, I knew (ish) what labour involved. I’d packed the hospital bag and I was confident that I could change a nappy.

I knew the basics of keeping a tiny human alivez But nobody prepared me for everything that happened after birth.

Here are just a few things that completely caught me by surprise...

Things Nobody Told Me About Those Early Days

Your waters don’t just break once.

I’d always imagined one dramatic gush like in the films.

Nope. Every time your baby moves, more fluid can appear.

Why does nobody mention this?

Buy far more maternity pads than you think you’ll need.

Trust me on this one. Future you will thank you.

Sleep deprivation changes everything.

I knew I’d be tired.

I didn’t realise I’d struggle to remember conversations I’d had five minutes earlier.

Your brain feels completely different when you’re running on broken sleep.

Breastfeeding isn’t always instinctive.

I assumed babies simply latched on.

In reality, it’s something both of you learn together.

Sometimes all it takes is adjusting the latch, changing position or asking for support.

The emotional rollercoaster is intense.

One minute you’ll be laughing.

The next you’ll be crying because someone asked how you are.

Hormones are incredible.

Your brain shifts into fierce protective mode, and with that can come anxiety and intrusive thoughts that no one warns you about.

If this happens, know that you’re not alone.

Feeding on demand really is okay.

If your baby is unsettled, you’ve checked everything else and you’re breastfeeding, sometimes the answer is simply another feed.

Comfort is a need too.

Visitors can feel overwhelming.

Before birth you imagine introducing your baby to everyone you love.

After birth?

You might just want everyone to go home.

That doesn’t make you rude.

It makes you human.

Protect your peace.

Nobody warns you how noisy newborns are.

Mine sounded like a tiny farmyard.

It felt like I was sleeping next to a tiny piglet with absolutely 0 control of their farts who grunted like an old man.

Safe co-sleeping is an option.

Before becoming a mum I believed co-sleeping was simply unsafe. Perhaps that’s because of my previous background in the emergency services.

What I later discovered is that, when following the Lullaby Trust’s Safe Sleep guidance, many families choose to co-sleep safely.

Learning the facts rather than fearing the conversation made a huge difference for me.

You’ll constantly wonder if they’re too hot or too cold.

You’ll check their temperature.

Then check it again.

Then probably Google it.

You’re doing better than you think.

There is no “bouncing back.”

Let’s stop expecting women to recover from pregnancy, birth and becoming an entirely new person within six weeks.

Your body has grown and birthed a human being. Lets repeat that for the people at the back… YOUR BODY HAS GROWN AND BIRTHED A HUMAN.

Healing takes time.

And you don’t owe anyone your old self. This is something I wish I had listened too sooner.

Then I Learned About Matrescence

One of the most validating things I discovered after becoming a mother was the concept of matrescence.

Matrescence is the profound transformation a woman goes through as she becomes a mother.

Not in a single moment but gradually in waves.

It changes your body, your mind, your relationships, your priorities (which is why I no longer work for the police), and it even changes your identity. What blows my mind even more is that it actually changes your brain.

Research now shows that pregnancy and early motherhood bring genuine neurological changes.

Hormonal shifts help reorganise neural pathways, particularly in areas responsible for empathy, emotional processing and social understanding.

Some areas of grey matter even reduce in volume, not because you’re losing anything, but because your brain is becoming more specialised, more finely tuned to understand and respond to your baby.

How incredible is that?

So if you’ve ever felt unlike yourself after becoming a mum... be reassured that there is a reason. You haven’t lost yourself, you are just becoming someone new.

You Are Still You

This is the part I wish every mother heard more often.

Yes, motherhood changes you. But becoming a mum doesn’t erase the woman you were before.

You are still creative, still ambitious, still funny, you are still worthy of taking up space outside of motherhood.

The role of “Mum” can feel all-consuming, but it is only one part of your story.

Beneath the routines, the school runs, the endless washing and the mental load is still you. I promise.

The woman with dreams, endless talents, friendships, passions and needs. Yes, we are allowed to have needs too.

When a mother stays connected to who she is beyond motherhood, she doesn’t lose herself in the transformation.

She expands within it.

Why My Motherhood Sessions Matter So Much

Perhaps this is why motherhood photography means so much to me.

Not because motherhood is always perfect.

But because it deserves to be remembered honestly. The tired eyes, the tiny hands wrapped around your finger, the cuddles that solve everything and often nothing. The quiet strength you didn’t know you had… and my goodness have I found so much strength over the last few months.

One day, your children won’t remember whether the house was tidy or whether you managed to answer every email.

They’ll remember how safe they felt in your arms and they’ll have photographs that remind them just how deeply they were loved.

If there’s one thing I hope you take away from this, it’s this:

You are not “just” a mum.

You are becoming a new you. You are transforming into a beautiful being that was so hidden within you.

And that transformation is one of the most extraordinary things you’ll ever do.